Heard this yesterday morning during worship and today it still is just rolling around like a rock in my chest somewhere thumping my core often. The guy said “you know what I’m learning, I’m learning that alot more happens for the kingdom when I die, and I’ve got a lot more dying to do.” He was referencing Galatians 6 where Paul talks about the only thing he has to ever boast about is the cross of Christ and how we have been crucified with Him there.
Today I sit wondering how much of Jen has truly died. When Christ asked me to pick up my cross did I ever really say ok.
I don’t think I’ve ever been so fully aware how many times my own name and the word me and I come up in my conversations or in my heart. I notice how many times “my” feelings get hurt by things said or done and how many times “I” feel “I’ve” been wronged. “I” want this and “I” want that and they aren’t necessarily even bad things, it’s just that so many times they are “mine” and when it’s all really boiled away “my” desires got nailed to a cross with my Lord.
Wheww…. I’m chewing on that one today and praying, so praying, that someday I might learn what it means to die. Truly. To lay this life down without selfish motive or prideful thoughts. Without wanting the atta girl and without being hurt by the oversight or the neglect or the thoughtless words.
To lose so much of me that my one and only aim is to glorify Christ, oh Lord may it be so! Are you dead yet?